She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
