Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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