Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
