so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
