You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
