Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
