I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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