Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
