i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
