shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
