you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
