guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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