there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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