Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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