Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
