Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
