dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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