are you so shy because you have an std?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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