I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
