Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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