I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
