my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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