some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
