I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
