Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
