Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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