Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
