if you like me you must not know who I am
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
