Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
