some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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