So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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