yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
