Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
