If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
