you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
