smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
