the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
