Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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