There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
