I smell stomach acid.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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