Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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