If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
