so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
