she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
