I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
