don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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