K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i jhust puked up my retainher.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
