Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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