you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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