There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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