This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
