he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
