he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
