She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
