Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
