Banned from zoo.
Again?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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