Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
